5 a.m.
Vomit... more vomit... "Wow, that is a whole piece of broccoli... some full mushrooms... do I even chew?!"
I awoke with the gift of gastroenteritis. According to Web MD pretty much everyone except babies and the elderly can easily recover from this. My question for you is: Do I fall under either of these categories? If you are a kind person and not one of my best friends you would probably say "Well, no." The reality is I am an old person trapped in a 26 year old's body. So, yes I struggled with this for a week. I was in the hospital on an IV for two days and curled up in my apartment for the rest of the time.
Why do I feel the need to discuss the symphony of my intestines on the Internet? Number one reason is definitely to make my mother say,"Kristin, was that really necessary." The second reason is because I would like to praise the Taiwanese medical system. Thirdly, a westerner in a hospital in Taiwan can be rather humorous.
I arrived at the ER and was given a wheelchair. After waiting an hour, I was wheeled in to explain my symptoms. Now medical professionals in Taiwan may know almost all medical terms in English, but that is not to say that their English is good. I began going off a mile a minute about all the things I thought it could be. "Recently, I became a vegetarian. I am concerned that I have made myself sick by washing my vegetables with the tap water. Can you check my blood for metals? Oh and pesticides that would be good as well. It could be food poisoning. I really hope it isn't SARS! Ok, I know it isn't that. My tongue is fine..." The man I was speaking to looked overwhelmed and called for assistance. His back up didn't really offer any help. He asked if he could touch my stomach. I said yes if he wanted me to puke. "Um, you go X-ray". Normally I am very cautious and try to limit my exposure to radiation but I am a new woman living in Asia and am pretty open to having X-rays frequently now. Want a visa get an X-ray, have the flu get an X-ray...
The X-ray man gave me a gown which I put on. I took off my upper clothing and left on my pants. This was obviously very humorous and upsetting to the staff because which one of them was going to approach me to say "Take off your pants". Sheepishly one of them pointed to the door and said no pants. Implying I should go back out and take them off. I was completely covered so I just dropped them and asked if that worked. After a minute of "Did she just do that?!", I was scanned. Next came the IV and a round of shots. The nurse said "This shot help hurts". I enthusiastically gave her the thumbs up. HELP MY HURT PLEASE! Actually what she meant was "This shot will hurt like a mother cow giving birth to her first calf." Ok that is an exaggeration. But it went deep into my shoulder muscle. To which I yelped "Non mi piace... MONKEYS... Big Monkeys..." That is a direct quote by the way. This all took place at a University hospital so the group of 6 male medical students observing struggled with that one.
I was then wheeled to the "observation area" AKA the hallway. This is where I remained for two IV bags worth of fluid. I witnessed a grown man lift his gown and poo, an elderly man's diaper being changed, an agitated young girl tell her mother something about "Waiguoren"... "that foreigner", and many many people hack up some nasty phlegm. After observing all of the above I assessed that I love my mother enough to change her diapers when that becomes necessary down the road. I also decided it was time to leave the hospital.
This all occurred on day one of my hospital adventure. For the sake of your boredom I will truncate the summary of day two. All the doctor really wanted was a sample of my feces. Of course while at home I couldn't stop depositing samples left and right. As soon as I got to the hospital I had nothing left to give. So the nurse kept asking "Sample?" "No." I don't think she realized how many days it had been since I had consumed food. Near the end of day two I was feeling better with the electrolytes in my system. I decided dinner was in order. My support team diligently went in search of nourishment. I had hopes of Lays potato chips from a vending machine, knowing very well that was not going to happen. Instead, a gold mine of wonder was found. Underneath the hospital there is a labyrinth of tunnels that are filled with restaurants! And guess what my favorite restaurant in Taiwan is there as well! A plate of green tea noodles and a glass of Japanese Green Milk Tea with Macha Ice Cream were promptly delivered. Of course as soon as I began to chow down, the doctor arrived. Stunned by the fact that I was shoving food in my mouth, he explained my blood work. I actually had to pass a laugh off as a cough. It was too perfect. Here I am at the hospital for not keeping food in me and what am I doing? Again I hadn't eaten in three days at this point. Plus, I was determined to give him a SAMPLE! He quickly walked away. A nurse arrived and abruptly took out my IV. She informed me I was discharged. Well guess what, my friends Mr.V and Mr. D came knocking in three minutes flat.
In the end I was able to give them a green slushy sample. Oh and they never checked my blood for metals. I really do have to give Taiwan a huge shout out for having great medical insurance though. The two days together cost me around 55 USD. That included medicine, an X-ray, blood samples, IV, etc. So thank you Taiwan for taking me in and taking care of me even if I am a crazy waiguoren.
Vomit... more vomit... "Wow, that is a whole piece of broccoli... some full mushrooms... do I even chew?!"
I awoke with the gift of gastroenteritis. According to Web MD pretty much everyone except babies and the elderly can easily recover from this. My question for you is: Do I fall under either of these categories? If you are a kind person and not one of my best friends you would probably say "Well, no." The reality is I am an old person trapped in a 26 year old's body. So, yes I struggled with this for a week. I was in the hospital on an IV for two days and curled up in my apartment for the rest of the time.
Why do I feel the need to discuss the symphony of my intestines on the Internet? Number one reason is definitely to make my mother say,"Kristin, was that really necessary." The second reason is because I would like to praise the Taiwanese medical system. Thirdly, a westerner in a hospital in Taiwan can be rather humorous.
I arrived at the ER and was given a wheelchair. After waiting an hour, I was wheeled in to explain my symptoms. Now medical professionals in Taiwan may know almost all medical terms in English, but that is not to say that their English is good. I began going off a mile a minute about all the things I thought it could be. "Recently, I became a vegetarian. I am concerned that I have made myself sick by washing my vegetables with the tap water. Can you check my blood for metals? Oh and pesticides that would be good as well. It could be food poisoning. I really hope it isn't SARS! Ok, I know it isn't that. My tongue is fine..." The man I was speaking to looked overwhelmed and called for assistance. His back up didn't really offer any help. He asked if he could touch my stomach. I said yes if he wanted me to puke. "Um, you go X-ray". Normally I am very cautious and try to limit my exposure to radiation but I am a new woman living in Asia and am pretty open to having X-rays frequently now. Want a visa get an X-ray, have the flu get an X-ray...
The X-ray man gave me a gown which I put on. I took off my upper clothing and left on my pants. This was obviously very humorous and upsetting to the staff because which one of them was going to approach me to say "Take off your pants". Sheepishly one of them pointed to the door and said no pants. Implying I should go back out and take them off. I was completely covered so I just dropped them and asked if that worked. After a minute of "Did she just do that?!", I was scanned. Next came the IV and a round of shots. The nurse said "This shot help hurts". I enthusiastically gave her the thumbs up. HELP MY HURT PLEASE! Actually what she meant was "This shot will hurt like a mother cow giving birth to her first calf." Ok that is an exaggeration. But it went deep into my shoulder muscle. To which I yelped "Non mi piace... MONKEYS... Big Monkeys..." That is a direct quote by the way. This all took place at a University hospital so the group of 6 male medical students observing struggled with that one.
I was then wheeled to the "observation area" AKA the hallway. This is where I remained for two IV bags worth of fluid. I witnessed a grown man lift his gown and poo, an elderly man's diaper being changed, an agitated young girl tell her mother something about "Waiguoren"... "that foreigner", and many many people hack up some nasty phlegm. After observing all of the above I assessed that I love my mother enough to change her diapers when that becomes necessary down the road. I also decided it was time to leave the hospital.
This all occurred on day one of my hospital adventure. For the sake of your boredom I will truncate the summary of day two. All the doctor really wanted was a sample of my feces. Of course while at home I couldn't stop depositing samples left and right. As soon as I got to the hospital I had nothing left to give. So the nurse kept asking "Sample?" "No." I don't think she realized how many days it had been since I had consumed food. Near the end of day two I was feeling better with the electrolytes in my system. I decided dinner was in order. My support team diligently went in search of nourishment. I had hopes of Lays potato chips from a vending machine, knowing very well that was not going to happen. Instead, a gold mine of wonder was found. Underneath the hospital there is a labyrinth of tunnels that are filled with restaurants! And guess what my favorite restaurant in Taiwan is there as well! A plate of green tea noodles and a glass of Japanese Green Milk Tea with Macha Ice Cream were promptly delivered. Of course as soon as I began to chow down, the doctor arrived. Stunned by the fact that I was shoving food in my mouth, he explained my blood work. I actually had to pass a laugh off as a cough. It was too perfect. Here I am at the hospital for not keeping food in me and what am I doing? Again I hadn't eaten in three days at this point. Plus, I was determined to give him a SAMPLE! He quickly walked away. A nurse arrived and abruptly took out my IV. She informed me I was discharged. Well guess what, my friends Mr.V and Mr. D came knocking in three minutes flat.
In the end I was able to give them a green slushy sample. Oh and they never checked my blood for metals. I really do have to give Taiwan a huge shout out for having great medical insurance though. The two days together cost me around 55 USD. That included medicine, an X-ray, blood samples, IV, etc. So thank you Taiwan for taking me in and taking care of me even if I am a crazy waiguoren.
